This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
