sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
