drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I licked your asshole in confidence.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
