We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
