so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
