And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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