just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
