I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize