i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
