did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
