i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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