I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize