You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
