Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize