i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
