I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
