So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
