All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
