Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
God, I missed his penis.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
