I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
