Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
