The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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