Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
