if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
