this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
