I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
