He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
