Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
