my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
