Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
