She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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