You're a womanizer and a bitch.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
