This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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