Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
