I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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