Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
