Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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