You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
