if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
