i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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