i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she peed on how many people?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
