Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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