TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
