he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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