Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
