Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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