This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The feeling are messing with the penis
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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