Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize