i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
