I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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