Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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