She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
