alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
