I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
