you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
