I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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