I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
