Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
