I looked at my own cervix.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
