at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
