My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
