Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
