no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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