Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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