when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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