I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
