He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
