Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
