just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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