i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
