nut hugger
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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