She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
