I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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