This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
