Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize