I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
