a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
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