Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
