..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
