Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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