Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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