When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
