first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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