He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize