If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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