I'd wear matching sweaters with you
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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