We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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