What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
