i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
