We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
