Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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