hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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