Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize