he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
